Lindt’s sugar-crack explained

It’s come to my attention that readers may not be familiar with the substance called sugar-crack. So here is not so much a review, but an explanation.


Sugar-crack most likely has its origins in a government laboritory. Some have suggested it was part of the Nazi research on the supernatural while others have linked it to the US government’s development of LSD. Where ever it came from it was never intended as a food additive. But society has always sought to push the limits and confectioners have never shrugged away from the challenge. Thus they began using sugar-crack in candy.

Nestle, Lindt, Hershey… they all want you to believe sugar-crack is a “sweetener”. The reality is that it transcends taste. When it touches your tongue, it tells your brain “I’m sweet” but that’s just a distraction so it can start lighting up your thyroid system like a defibrillator.

For some, it can be addictive. For others, nearly deadly. I once saw a kid eat a half bag of sweet tarts (which are 95% pure, unrefined sugar-crack) and he went into such a spasmodic fit he nearly killed himself and the St. Bernard he was riding.

In the case of the reviewed Lindt candy, my estimation is that it is comprised of roughly 65.37% sugar-crack. I measured this based on the number of heart palpitations I got after injestion, divided by time, multiplied by how strong my urge was to begin running in a Tourettes fueled rage. The creaminess was nearly offset by the sugar-crack but I think it was a well measured blend.

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